A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
