will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
