Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
