Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
