fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
