I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
