True but thats because hes a fetus.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
