it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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