Your tits are I can't wait for
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
