god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
