No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
