His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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