dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize