butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
