That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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