TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
