life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
