i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
