Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
