just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize