I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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