dude i'm inner monologue high
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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