So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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