I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
