pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's rum buckets o'clock
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
