I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
