Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
