ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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