It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I think my moral compass just broke
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