Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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