You're completely useless in the revolution.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
