Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
