i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
