explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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