"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
