There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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