the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
