She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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