Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
