Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
