I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize