dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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