Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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