Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
