I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
