I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
