remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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