Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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