i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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