The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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