i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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