im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
