Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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