I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
