I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
