i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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