i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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