My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
