My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize