You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
